No book had ever made me cry. When I
read A Severe Mercy, I wept.
A Severe Mercy is
Sheldon Vanauken’s autobiography that deals with his relationship with his wife
Davy, their journey from paganism to Christianity, friendship with C.S. Lewis,
and Davy’s death. Many have written about romance, religious conversion and
tragedy, but it is the beauty and authenticity with which Vanauken tells his
story that sets it apart. The joy and pain of Vanauken’s story is played out
through philosophical contemplation, raw emotion, and honest wrestling with
God.
Although the story
centers around the life of Vanauken and Davy, the themes in the book transcend
their personal story, and even their lives. From the beginning of their
relationship, the Vanaukens deliberately cultivated a very thorough paradigm of
love, beauty, truth, and longing for eternity that underwent a major evolution
after their individual conversions to Christianity. “We saw self as the
ultimate danger to love, which it is; we didn’t see it as the ultimate evil of
hell, which it also is,” Vanauken writes about their pre-conversion worldview.
Vanauken’s story is
much more philosophical than a typical autobiography, yet his narrative is
anything but dry. The eloquent prose reflects his background as a literature
professor and an amateur poet. Throughout the book he lapses into the third
person to convey his thoughts, abstracting himself from his ideas in a way that
allows the readers to easily follow his reasoning. This detached treatment of
ideas provides contrast to his personal struggle to internalize those ideas,
and ultimately, to surrender himself to God.
A few years into their
marriage, the Vaunakens moved to Oxford for Sheldon’s studies. Their time close
acquaintance with a group of serious Christians there inspired them to study
the faith they had previously rejected. They greatly admired the work of C.S.
Lewis, and “on an impulse” Sheldon wrote to Lewis about his struggle to accept
Christianity. Their subsequent correspondence was instrumental in Vanauken’s
conversion, after which Lewis became a trusted mentor and lifelong friend, and
they maintained a lively correspondence even after the Vanaukens returned to
America. Many of the letters Sheldon received from C.S. Lewis are interspersed
throughout the latter half of the book, and provide Lewis’s characteristic
depth of wisdom.
After the Vanaukens
returned to America, Sheldon struggled with the realization that their love
must be subject to Christ. Early in their relationship and prior to their
conversion, the Vanaukens described their love for each other as the Shining
Barrier-- “It was our love itself, made
strong within” that was their ultimate good and would transcend even death.
After their conversion it pained Vanauken to see his wife following Christ
above her love for him.
“I didn’t want us to be
swallowed up in God,” he wrote, “I wanted holidays from the school of Christ.
We should, somehow, be able to have the Shining Barrier intact and follow the
King of Glory. I didn’t want to be a saint. Almost none of this did I
consciously know– just longings. But for Davy, to live was Christ.”
Vanauken’s struggle is
the universal struggle of all Christians attempting to live out Matthew 16:24,
“If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and
follow me.”
Vanauken’s frank
disclosure of his idolatry shocked me. But I was not so shocked by his
sentiment, but by the realization that his words resonated with something deep
within me. Convicted, I cried over the unsurrendered loves in my own heart.
“God in His ample love
embraced our love with, it may be, a sort of tenderness, and we must tread the
Way to Him hand in hand,” Vanauken writes. But God did not intend for Sheldon
and Davy to tread hand in hand for very long. Recalling Davy’s illness and
death, Vanauken writes of himself, “He had had– was having-- all the sorrow
there was. And yet, the joy was worth the pain.”
I cried again when I
read of the joy in pain, the hope of life everlasting in Christ, and the depths
of Vanauken’s devotion to his wife.
Lewis was instrumental
in helping Vanauken understand the goodness of God in Davy’s death. The
richness of their correspondence after her death– pondering God’s goodness,
musing about eternity– was refreshing after the emotional intensity of
Vanauken’s loss. The book’s title comes from a letter from Lewis, who described
Davy’s death as a “severe mercy” from God.
The strength of
Vanauken’s faith is remarkable. He writes, “I cannot escape the impression that
Somebody was being very gentle with us. Perhaps she had to die– for me, for our
dear love, for God.” Elsewhere he reflects, “...it was for me, despite grief
and aloneness, worth it.”
I wept again, praying
for a faith that could say– no matter the trials it endured– “it was for me,
worth it.”
Originally published in the Patrick Henry College Herald.
